Defining rudeness

[writespeak]

Most forums don't allow rude behaviour, but the definition of rudeness may vary, and so may the degree of rudeness allowed.

Yesterday I was talking with someone about her forum experiences at a forum I don't know. In the off-topic section of the forum, she felt personally attacked when she discussed her views on animal rights, for example. In another forum, I read about how some people had left a similar forum because of the reaction they got when they chose a path of action that wasn't the generally accepted way at the other forum.

I'm not a moderator at the above forums, but here's some of how I define politeness and rudeness:


You can disagree with people without putting them down. Focus on the discussion topics, not the poster.
It can be more difficult to stay polite when discussing controversial subjects that we feel strongly about, but everyone deserves some level of respect, including people we disagree with.
Name-calling and using coarse language directed at another person is rude.
Making comments about a person's race, gender, sexual orientation, etc., is not acceptable unless it's relevant to the discussion and is just a statement of fact that needs to be clarified (which it rarely does).
The way a differing opinion is worded can be polite or not polite. "I don't think that will work because..." is polite and helpful, while "That's a stupid idea" is not.
Simply disagreeing with another member is not rude in itself. It depends on what is said and how it's said.

How do you define what is and isn't rude? How do you explain it to your members, and at what point do you step in when members complain about rudeness?

Lois

[SoftWareRevue]

How do you define what is and isn't rude?

I think you touched on the major deciding factor in your first sentence when you said, "Focus on the discussion topics, not the poster."

You can have great discussions without discussing the discusser. :)

How do you explain it to your members, and at what point do you step in when members complain about rudeness?
When a member fails to address the post and instead turns to addressing the poster in a negative fashion, they need to be reminded that they have the right to present an opposing opinion, but they don't have a right to oppose another's opinion. "Address the post, not the poster."

It's difficult to do when we're passionate about a subject sometimes. But it's easy, if we take our time and think about our actions before we click that Submit button.

[Scott]

This is certainly something that is not easily defined. I think your list deals with the majority of cases and in regards to defining it in a set of rules I would usually have something along the lines of "at the discretion of the moderators".

Therefore if a moderator found a post that they felt rude but wasn't exactly outlined in the rules they would be able to remove it. This helps if moderators are recruited from the community itself allowing them to know what types of behaviour would be tolerated.

[Kaizen]

Defining rudeness also comes from where you are raised and what you were taught is good and bad. What may not be defined are rude to you, may also be extremely rude to another member. Its just one of those cases were judgment is called for.

[PinkFloyd]

"Focus on the discussion topics, not the poster."

I also agree that is very important. Forum posts can be related to emails. In such a way as, "would you send an email like that to your Grandma?" Or would you reply to a post like that if it was your Grandma?

Well I guess that is too strict, flaming would be down 95% and posts would be down 98% on most forums.. hehe

[rozha]

i see my belief differs from any of yours.

i also own a forum, but i allow pretty much everything. i allow flaming, because without that i think real live conversation dies, and i don't want to make the forum just the message board for exchanging opinions. i allow using harsh words (not swearing) in several cases, because i think sometimes it's just needed. i allow also fights and personal discussions, because you cannot override the hostility between those two, and if this is the only way for them to settle the issue - let it be.

maybe you say it is not a nice pisture. i disagree. somehow these rules (or lack of it) welded a strong openminded and outspoken community. people actually started visit one another in different countries, started making business together. i think that this is the outcome of our unique athmosphere, where no rules applied and everyone has a right to defend himself.